How to be a good husband in Islam is something that every Muslim man should learn before entering into a wedlock. For a long time now, I have been wondering why so much has been written about a woman being an “Ideal wife in Islam” as against writing about a man being an “Ideal Husband in Islam”. Allah says “And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable” [Al-Baqarah 2:228]“?

Aren’t men included in this command? If there are things that wife needs to do for husband, then there are things that husband also has to do for wife. The rulings on rights of Husband and wife on each other are very clear in Islam, which is not found in any other religion or its scriptures.

Although awareness is needed to educate women regarding their duties to their husband, it is equally important to stress the need to educate the men regarding their duties to their wives. Why has it always been that only women are instructed to sacrifice, to dedicate, to be patient etc when it comes to their husband? Why aren’t husbands instructed in the same way??

The Husband expects every good from his wife, but when it is his turn to reciprocate, he ignores it. This is a common scenario world wide, irrespective of which community one belongs to. It is very important to reiterate this aspect of Islam so that husband-wife relation becomes more stronger and pure.

Woman was made from the rib of the man (as Qur’an confirms), She was’nt created from his head to top him, Nor from his feet to be stepped upon, She was made from his side to be close to him, From beneath his arm to be protected by him, Near his heart to be loved by him.

Once the prophet (Pbuh) was sitting in a room with Aisha and fixing his shoes. It was very warm, and Aisha looked to his blessed forehead and noticed that there were beads of sweat on it. She became overwhelmed by the majesty of that sight was staring at him long enough for him to notice. He said, “What’s the matter?” She replied, “If Abu Bukair Al-Huthali, the poet, saw you, he would know that his poem was written for you.” The Prophet (Pbuh) asked, “What did he say?” She replied, “Abu Bukair said that if you looked to the majesty of the moon, it twinkles and lights up the world for everybody to see.” So the Prophet (Pbuh) got up, walked to Aisha, kissed her between the eyes, and said, “Wallahi ya Aisha, you are like that to me and more.” [Narrated in Dala'el Al-Nubuwa for Imam Abu Nu'aim with isnad including Imam Bukhari and Imam Ibn Khuzaina.]

Such was the lovely relation between Prophet and his wives. There are many narrations in the books of hadiths which speak about how Prophet (Pbuh) used to treat his wives, that is, with great respect and love. He was very caring and always tried to keep them happy. He understood the nature of a woman well and hence dealth with them accordingly.

The following are some of the quotes from Sahih Hadith regarding treatment of women:

Jabir (ra) narrates that Rasoolallah (Pbuh) also gave these instructions in his sermon during the Farewell Pilgrimage. “Fear Allah regarding women; for you have taken them (in marriage) with the trust of Allah”. (Mishkat)

The Holy Prophet (Pbuh) has said during the farewell sermon: “O people, your wives have a certain right over you and you have certain rights over them. Treat them well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers”. (Tirmidhi)

Abu Huraira (ra) reported Allah’s messenger as saying, “The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition and the best of you are those who are best to their wives “ (Tirmidhi)

Abu-Darda (ra) narrated that the Prophet (Pbuh) instructed him: “Spend as much as possible upon your family. . . “

The Prophet (Pbuh) has said: “Helping wives (in their domestic work) earns (men) the reward of charity.”

Al-Aswad (ra) Narrated: I asked A’isha (ra), “What did Rasoolallah (Pbuh) do at home? ” She said, “He used to work for his family and when he heard the call for the prayer, he would go out.” (Sahih Bukhari)

During the farewell Pilgrimage the Prophet (Pbuh) said to the camel driver: “Anjasha, drive slowly; for you are carrying (on the camels, women, delicate like fine) glassware.” (Sahih Muslim)

Abu Qatadah (ra) Narrated that the Prophet (Pbuh) said: “When I stand for prayer, I intend to prolong it, but on hearing the cries of a child, I cut it short, as I dislike to trouble the child’s mother.” (Sahih Bukhari)

Rasoolallah (Pbuh) has said: “O men. There is a reward in your affinity with the wife.” (Ibn Hiban)

Therefore, let me give you a few pointers on How to be a good husband in Islam:

Treat her with respect & Care: Remember Allah said that your wife is made out of your rib, which is very close to the heart. This means that she is not meant to be oppressed or subjugated or harassed. Have you ever tried to harass your organs closer to heart? How about cutting of an artery which is close to heart? How about breaking all the ribs? Well, you know the result. Therefore, woman has been made out of something close to the heart which means she needs to be cared, protected and loved.

Refrain from insulting your wife: Never insult your wife, degrade her or make fun of her in front of others. Nor should you ever tell about her weakness to others. She is not your slave or servant, rather she is your partner of life. So treat her that way!

Give time to your wife: Irrespective of how busy you are, take out time for your wife. Spend time with her, take her out, talk to her and listen to her. Keep one day of the week dedicated to your wife, like Sunday, and let her know that you dedicated it specially for her. This makes her feel special in your eyes.

Listen to her attentively: A good husband is always a good listener. Listen to everything that your wife talks about and try to indulge in the conversation. Don’t give a deaf ear to your wife. How would you feel if someone gives deaf ear to you when you speak? Trust me, it is really annoying. So stop doing this to your wife and start listening to her attentively.

Praise your wife’s beauty: Always praise your wife’s beauty in front of her, irrespective of how ugly she is in reality. Try to make her feel special. Use statements like “I have never seen a more beautiful woman than you” or “You are the most beautiful woman in this world” or “I am so lucky to find such a beautiful woman” or “Even if the beauty of this entire universe comes together, it is no match to your beauty” and so on…Praising the beauty of a woman gives her great happiness. So do it regularly and as often as you can. This will keep her happy.

Exchange gifts frequently: A’ishah reported, The Prophet (Pbuh) said: “Give gifts to one another, for gifts take away rancour.” The gift may not be necessarily an expensive one. Giving a simple “I love you” card also counts in gifts. Try to buy her a dress or something that she wants. If you can’t afford it, then at least let her know that you are eagerly collecting money to buy that thing for her. Trust me, she will be flattered by this gesture and finally you don’t really have to buy it!

Learn to give physical pleasure: It is a common complaint from married women that they are treated like a Sex toy and that husbands satisfy themselves and do not care for the satisfaction of the wives. Remember that women are humans to and they too have physical needs. A good husband not only enjoys her wife, but also reciprocates the same to his wife. This is called a healthy mutual sex life.

Consulting others on mutual consent: A good husband always takes the permission of his wife before consulting on their marital problems with others. A woman feels much more comfortable if it is discussed with someone she can trust. So make sure you take her consent.

Applaud your wife: A good husband always encourages her wife in everything she does. Encouraging a woman in every task makes her perfect. For example, a wife might not cook well. But if she is trying hard to learn, a good husband would praise her cooking and effort thus encouraging her to become perfect in it.

Share the responsibility: Is there are rule that husbands should not look after the kids or the household work? Absolutely No! Look at the example of our Prophet (Pbuh). The Prophet (Pbuh) said “Helping wives (in their domestic work) earns (men) the reward of charity.” Narrated Al-Aswad (ra): I asked A’isha (ra), “What did the Prophet (Pbuh) do at home? ” She said, “He used to work for his family and when he heard the call for the prayer, he would go out.” (end quote). So start helping out your wife in washing clothes & dishes, cleaning the house, changing the diaper of your baby and all the related work when you are at home. Stop behaving like a NUT just because you earn for the family. You have no idea how hard it is for a woman to manage work! Get off that couch on holidays and help out your wife!

Forbiddened to hate: It is Haraam (forbidden) to hate your believing wife. Allah’s Messenger (Pbuh) said “A believing man must not hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her characteristics he will be pleased with another (of her good qualities).” No human is perfect. Your wife might have some qualities that are displeasing to you, but there are surely some characteristics that are very pleasing to you. Prophet commanded us to look for those good characteristics in her.

Give her freedom (shariah compliant): Your wife is a human and requires freedom and space to breath. Don’t push her too much that she breaks down. Give her freedom as far as she is within the limts that Allah has defined. The same goes for you as a man. Both men and women can practice freedom within the limits defined by Allah. Let your wife have freedom to think, to do what she wants and to decide in matters. Ask her to advice you in your decisions for the family. This makes her feel special.

Handle her with care: Woman is fragile both physically and mentally, hence handle her with Care!

I hope these 2 cents from my side will help you improve your marital life, inshallah!

Praise be to Allah.

Kindly leave your comments on this article!

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One day workshop on the topic “7 Major Sins” is being held in Hyderabad on 19th Feb 2012. Check out this exclusive event update by clicking the link below:

http://peacepropagation.com/7-major-sins-workshop/

If you are in Hyderabad, don’t miss it!

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And yes, Make dua for her!

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Have you ever wondered how your name would sound if it was spelt in Japanese? Well if you haven’t ever tried, then check it now. Below are the respective sounds against each alphabet of English. Just replace the spelling of your name with these:

Try your Name in Japanese :

A=ka
B=tu
C=mi
…D=te
E=ku
F=lu
G=ji
H=ri
I=ki
J=zu
K=me
L=ta
M=rin
N=to
O=mo
P=no
Q=ke
R=shi
S=ari
T=chi
U=do
V=ru
W=mei
X=na
Y=fu
Z=zi

For example, my name is Imran Ali. So to check it in Japanese, I will replace each alphabet of my name’s spelling with respective sound given in the list above.

Imran Ali —–>In Japanese—–> Kirinshikato Kataki
Type Your Name In Comments

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Today (4th day of Ramadhan), fasting appeared to be a little heavy for me. I don’t know why, but i was gasping for water and food just within 8 hours after Suhoor (the food we have before starting to fast daily). My throat felt a little irritated yesterday due to the dust storm that lasted for nearly 30 minutes. Just before Suhoor, i could feel my body feeling a little weak.

However, i had my Suhoor and then went for Fajr Salah. After returning, i went straight to bed and slept immediately. I got up after 6 hours only to feel my body heating up with fever and a soar throat. That was when i started feeling the need of Water. I looked at the clock and the time was just 10 am. I was like “Ya Allah, another 8 hours to go before i can take a drop of water”.

The thirst and hunger kept on increasing exponentially and I was quite surprised the way my body behaved today. By Zuhr Salah, my head started aching due to thirst. To beat the time, I sat down to browse internet looking for something to read that will distract my mind and keep it away from the thoughts of hunger and thirst. It was then that my eyes fell on a picture, that instantly made me forget my hunger and thirst!

Check the picture below of a starving child and a vulture waiting to pounce on the child as soon as she dies:

Starving child with a vulture

This picture of starving child was taken by a South African photographer whose name was Kevin carter. He took this picture in 1993 in Southern Sudan, a place within the so called “Triangle of Death”. The Triangle of death refers to the area between Kenya, Somalia and Ethiopia which has been suffering from famine for the past 2 decades. In this photo, a little girl is trying to reach the feeding center by crawling on the ground because she does not have enough energy to rise up and walk. On her way, she is resting for sometime to regain little energy before starting to crawl again. This is just to reach a place where she will get some food after many days!

The photographer was awarded “Pulitzer Prize” for this picture which flashed on nearly all the leading magazines that year. But cater was a very sensitive man, especially when it comes to human sufferings. He later committed suicide. It is believed that this picture of starving child stayed in his mind where ever he went.

Then I started checking up the statistics of famine around the world. Millions of people die every year because they have nothing to eat or drink! Isn’t this a shame on the entire humanity that even in this 21st century, we have people dying due to hunger? There is no balance of food across the world. In most of the parts, food is thrown away as an extra garbage because of its abundance. So many countries have restaurants where food goes as waste on a daily basis. People tend to order in excess and later they throw it because they don’t have place in the stomach to eat the extra food. And this extra food is then eaten by cats and dogs!

This picture of starving child speaks more than just about the Child and Vulture. Looking into it there is a sense of sadness, despair and coldness. The child, already weak due to days of hunger, is struggling to reach the feeding center to get something to eat, and the vulture is waiting for the child to die so that it can feed on her.

Looking at this picture of starving child, a thought struck my mind that what if this child would have been my son? What if such a condition strikes us owing to our habit of wasting food and water? What if on the Day of Judgment Allah throws us into hell fire because we used to fill our stomachs so much that much of it ended up in garbage cans, yet never cared about others who died of hunger? Why are our pockets so tight when it comes to feeding poor while we shell out huge bucks to fill our stomachs and throw food in the garbage?

Alhumdulillah, I learnt a great lesson today. I was getting restless with the hunger that had to last for only 14 hours and which had to last within closed home with all the facilities to keep the body cool and comfortable. Not only comfort, but prior to those 14 hours of fasting, I had food up to my neck and after fasting too I was sure of filling my stomach. I forgot that there are people in the world who have not eaten for days together and are dying because of hunger. How selfish can I be!

Prophet Muhammad (Pbuh) always cared for the poor and never allowed food to be wasted. He took great care not to leave any food on the plate. He stated that morsels and food that had been dropped should be eaten after cleaning the dust particles. On the other hand, he advised people not to be extreme in the act of eating and said “No person can fill a dish that is worse than his stomach”.

Fasting in Islam shows us a glimpse of what happens if Allah pulls away food and water from our life. Most of us do not even remember the great favors Allah has bestowed upon us and hence never thank him for it. We are always complaining for the things that we don’t have.  This month of Ramadhan brings us to the point where we ponder over it and then thank Allah for bestowing his countless favors upon us.

I hope that just as I learnt a lesson from this picture of starving child, all of you will also get enlightened.

Please leave you comments!

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Check out the advice of Late Shaykh Abdul Azeez Ibn Baz (May Allah have mercy on him) to students of Knowledge:

 

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Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds. May Allah’s peace and blessings be upon our trustworthy Prophet Muhammad, his family, Companions and those who follow his Sunnah until the Day of Judgment.

Allah (Glorified and Exalted be He) ordains justice and virtue; and forbids injustice, tyranny and aggression. He sent His Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) with the same Message of all the Messengers, which is the call to Tawhid (monotheism) and dedicating `Ibadah (worship) to Allah Alone. He asked him to establish justice and forbid any form of `Ibadah dedicated to anyone other than Allah, division and usurping people’s rights.

It has become prevalent nowadays that many of those who claim to be scholars and Du`ah (callers to Islam) backbite their fellow Du`ah and knowledge seekers, whether in private or in public. They might even record this on tapes to be distributed among the people, or in lectures they give in Masjids (mosques). This is contradictory to the commandments of Allah and His Messenger in many ways, including:

First, it is considered a violation of the rights of Muslims, even scholars and Du`ah who have done their best to enlighten people (Part No. 7; Page No. 312) and correct their `Aqidahs (creeds), and have exerted much effort in giving lectures and writing useful books, so they are among the best of Muslims.

Second, this violates the unity of Muslims and spreads division among them, although they are in dire need of unity and staying away from division and rumors, especially that Du`ah who are backbited against belong to Ahl-ul-Sunnah wal-Jama`ah (those adhering to the Sunnah and the Muslim main body) who are known for fighting Bid`ahs (innovations in religion) and superstitions, and exposing those who call to them. There is no interest for anyone to do this except our enemies, such as Kafirs (disbelievers), hypocrites, or those who commit Bid`ahs.

Third, this helps biased people, whether secularists, westernizers or atheists, who are known for spreading rumors about Du`ah and inciting people against them, in achieving their aims. The Islamic brotherhood should prevent Muslims from helping the enemies against their Muslim brothers, whether knowledge seekers, Du`ah or others.

Fourth, this misguides laypeople and scholars; spreads false rumors; leads to Ghibah (backbiting) and Namimah (tale-bearing); opens the doors to evil for those whose souls are weak, who spread rumors, arouse Fitnah (temptation) and harm the Mu’mins (believers) unjustly.

Fifth, most of the things claimed are untrue; they are just illusions made pleasant and inspired by Satan. Allah (Exalted be He) says, O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion; indeed some suspicions are sins. And spy not, neither backbite one another.(Part No. 7; Page No. 313)

A Mu’min should interpret the words of their brothers in the best possible way. Some of the Salaf (righteous predecessors) said, “Do not take a word said by your brother ill, so long as it is open to a better interpretation.”

Sixth, if some scholars and knowledge seekers practice Ijtihad (juristic effort to infer expert legal rulings), there is no harm in that if they are qualified for Ijtihad. If others oppose them in that Ijtihad, they should argue with them in a mild way out of keenness on reaching Al-Haqq (the Truth) from the nearest way and resisting the insinuations of Satan among the Mu’mins. If this is not possible, and it is decided that they should be publicly opposed, this should be done in the mildest possible way, without aggression or severity, which might make them refuse Al-Haqq, and without attacking the people directly or judging their intentions. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) used to say, “I knew that some people said so and so.”

I advise those brothers who have backbitten Du`ah to perform Tawbah (repentance to Allah) of what they wrote or said, which misguided some young people, filled them with grudges, diverted them from seeking useful knowledge and practicing Da`wah, and occupied them with spreading rumors and tracing the mistakes of people deliberately.

(Part No. 7; Page No. 314)

I also advise them to expiate for what they have done, whether in writing or any other way, to clear themselves from such deeds and remove the effect of what they said earlier. They should also perform useful deeds that bring them closer to Allah and benefit the people; and beware of hastening to judge people as Kafirs, Fasiqs (people flagrantly violating Islamic law) or Mubtadi`s (those who introduce innovations in religion) without evidence. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, When a person calls his brother (in Islam) a Kafir, one of them will certainly deserve the title. (Agreed upon by Imams Al-Bukhari and Muslim).

It is prescribed for Al-Haqq seekers and learners to refer to the eminent scholars if they face something ambiguous in their words, so that they will clarify the matter to them and remove the doubts they have, according to Allah’s saying in Surah Al-Nisa’, When there comes to them some matter touching (public) safety or fear, they make it known (among the people); if only they had referred it to the Messenger or to those charged with authority among them, the proper investigators would have understood it from them (directly). Had it not been for the Grace and Mercy of Allâh upon you, you would have followed Shaitân (Satan), save a few of you.

Allah is the One responsible for setting right the affairs of the Muslims; inclining their hearts to Taqwa (fearing Allah as He should be feared); guiding all the Muslim scholars and all those who call to Al-Haqq and to what pleases Him and benefits the people; gather them on guidance; protect them from the means leading to dispersion and disagreement; and make them support Al-Haqq and not falsehood. He is the Only One Capable of doing so. May Allah’s peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family, Companions and those who follow his guidance until the Day of Judgment.

(Part No. 7; Page No. 315)

First question:

Weeks ago, Your Eminence issued a declaration about criticism among Du`ah, which was interpreted by people in different ways. What is your opinion on this?

My advice to everyone is to give mutual advice to each other implicitly, not explicitly. The aim is to attract their attention to the mistake committed and clarify Al-Haqq, with no need to hurt certain people. May Allah grant everyone success!

Sheikh Abdul-`Aziz ibn `Abdullah ibn Baz, Chairman of the Departments of Scholarly Research,

Ifta’, Daw`ah, and Guidance ( http://www.alifta.com/Fatawa/FatawaSubjects.aspx?View=Page&&NodeID=4670&PageID=925&SectionID=14&SubjectPageTitlesID=95125&MarkIndex=3&0#commentingoncriticism )

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There are many amongst us today who are openly publicly criticizing the mistakes of Daees and scholars. This advice of Sheikh Salih Al Fawzan should give them some hidayah:

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